Banter, Flu Chaos, And Cheese Day

SPEAKER_00 0:22

Hi, friends. We're so glad you're here today. Welcome to How to Be a Grown Up. This is the how-to show for moms who have definitely messed up that teachable moment conversation. I have, so I'm writing this for myself. I'm Caitlin. And guess who is with today, you guys? It's Jenny. It's me. It's Jenny. It's my perfect sunflower. It's a Tuesday. Um, or maybe not. I don't know. I don't, yeah. Maybe it's coming on a Tuesday. It's it's coming out on a Tuesday, but but it could be you that you're listening to it on Wednesday, Thursday, or purple. I don't know. Those other days. Right. There's so there's so many. And they all seem to blur together. And we're X many days into 2025, and I feel compelled. 6, 26, 2026. See? Purple. Purple is the day. I think one of my friends actually the other day sent a message to my Slack group that said, What day is it? And one of my other friends replied with the cheese day, because it was those days in between, you know, Christmas and New Year's and nobody has any day. Yeah. Yeah. So cheese. Today's cheese day. So welcome. We especially didn't know what those days were because everyone in our family, and I am talking about my parents, my entire generation, and all of our children all got stomach float. We got together on Christmas Day for the first time ever, all 14 of us together. And by the 27th and 28th, everybody was cleaning carpets. That's horrible. I've heard nightmare stories about whatever is going around between norovirus and super flu that's happening in winter 25, 26. Like, I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. Oh, it's totally fine. My carpet cleaner did die in the great stomach flu of 2025. No. And my dear sweet husband said, Oh, we can order one from Amazon. I looked at him and said, No, no, no, no. We don't wait for this to get delivered. We're going to a store. Yeah. We're buying it. We're buying it all. Right. We're paying brick and mortar prices. Yes. Yeah, you can't. You gotta get you. Do you know you can buy a carpet cleaner at Home Depot? Yeah. I did know that. We had to dust the box off. The lady when I asked, I was like, I'm looking for rug shampooers. She's like, I think they're in the back. Like she didn't even know where they were. Oh, sweet baby. But we got one. And it's uh great. And you plugged it in and used it as soon as it came out of the box. Because you had to. Yeah. Oh, awful. Well, speaking of things that make you nauseous, I feel compelled to talk to you today about discussing recent and current events in our country with your kids. Nausea. Nausea Central. Yeah. Um, but before we do that, I just want to make sure you're subscribed to this show. Have you hit follow yet? Have you hit subscribe? Have you done whatever the button tells you to do to make sure that you get notifications about new episodes from our show? If you haven't, take a moment to do that. Yes? Yes. Great. So here we go. Here are my goals for this episode for you. Okay. One, I want to normalize feeling overwhelmed by all of this. The news cycle is the 24-hour news cycle is dangerous

Why Current Events Talks Feel Overwhelming

SPEAKER_00 3:42

for mental health, first of all, in my personal non-professional opinion. Second of all, kids pick up on all that. So that's we have to talk about explaining why talking with kids is so important. And in my last goal, I have is just setting broad rules about all of these conversations. So honestry, honesty, boundaries, and emotional safety. Also known as honest honestry. That's the word. Honestry. Honestry. That said, I am not a counselor. I'm not a psychologist. Neither is Jenny. We're not trained in best practices or trauma-informed. Yeah, that's true. Me too. Maybe myself and my family. So yeah. Um wait.

SPEAKER_02 4:23

Multiple.

SPEAKER_00 4:24

Right, right. One, two, three, seven. All right. So uh, but we're not training best practices for trauma-informed support. These tips come from things we've learned in our work as educators, but I also have a whole list of support resources here, like from NPR, NetGeo Kids, Stanford Medicine Children's Health blog, and the Minnesota Children's Museum, which has another list of resources. All of those resources are in our show notes. Please take a look at those. Again, we're not professionals just here giving sidebar. Yes. How did you come across Minnesota Children's Museum? Was this like great Googling? Great Googling. Yeah. And and this is interesting. This is my uh for those of you who are new to the show, we're based in Texas.

unknown 5:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:07

Well, honestly, I'm becoming pretty adept in my marketing career at knowing search intent and the the search words I I use brought this this resource to me. I know that's really interesting. Yeah. So I'm just gonna tell you now. I'm coming at this episode with a very heavy heart. My mind is racing. Since you're listening, there's a good chance you may understand those feelings. You may feel empathy, you may not have any clue what I'm talking about. I am one degree away from someone who had a bomb scare at her school this week. Yeah, it's absolutely terrifying. Like this like I had her at my dinner table last night. Yes, that's how close we are. Yeah. AISD was sending out emails about those very frets coming to us this week. So it was, it's there's a lot going on right now. And I've seen several so posts on social media, and I even wrote one myself about how we're in the middle of one of the scariest experiences in our country and life hasn't stopped, right? You still have laundry and lunches and visits and a broken freezer. And yes, I will

Goals, Disclaimers, And Trusted Resources

SPEAKER_00 6:12

tell you that story later on in this episode. But nothing about what's happening, you know, waves arms emphatically around us is normal at all right now. So, what is normal about anything right now is just however you're feeling. However, you're feeling about the news, about your life, about the life around your little, you know, bubble, all of that is normal. And there's a really good chance that your kids are picking up on your feelings because they notice tension, they notice tone of voice, they notice headlines. Even if you're avoiding the topic at home, there are adults who are talking with their kids about it or older siblings talking to younger siblings. Yeah. So just even if adults avoid the topic, kids still know and find out. So today I'm offering you a few tips for how to have those conversations so that you can be the one who gives the information and gives the reassurance, which is so important right now. So here are some ground rules for these conversations. One is you don't have to have all the answers to have a good conversation with your kids. I know that because I moved from Colorado to Texas and started teaching Texas history and would get really good questions. And one of my favorite answers was that's a great question. I don't know the answer right now, but I would love it if you could tell me the answer tomorrow and see what happens. Kids are capable of doing that for you, but you can still have the conversation. Okay, period. Kids are capable. Yes, the end, done. And that's that assumption, that understanding that underlying belief can also inform your conversations because they are capable. They might not be capable of adult level emotions yet, but they are capable of feeling and they are capable of, like you said, picking up on your feelings and the world around them. And so when we treat kids like small humans rather than babies and say that they can't, and we just say, no, these are just small humans, they have the same feelings and emotions that we do. They're just not as developed or in tune yet. The conversation becomes richer and more meaningful. And that applies to not just capable of the emotion, but also capable of understanding. So yes, giving your kids access to that information is important, right? Um, I worked for an organization that one of our catchphrases was kids have incredible capacity. Yes. One of my clients right now has a value that's their two values are we trust teachers and we believe students can do it. So they love it. I'll talk about with you. They want it on a bumper sticker. I'll give it, I'll I'll hook you up later. Okay. The second ground rule. So one is you don't have to have all the answers to have a good conversation. The second one is your job is not to download news into their brains, it's to help kids feel safe and heard and empowered to ask questions when they feel like they need to. Okay. So I'm gonna give you a default ground rule line to use. Sometimes grown-ups are worried about things happening in the world. If you've heard people talking about it, you can always ask me questions. I might not know everything, but I'll always be honest with you in a way that feels safe. Don't

Naming Fear And Why Kids Notice Everything

SPEAKER_00 9:22

worry, that whole line will be on the blog post for this episode. So you can go grab it, you can put it in your notes app, and you can commit it to memory. So I'm gonna offer you some core scripts by age band for kids, because obviously what works with a four-year-old does not work with a 14-year-old, and vice versa. Okay. So we're talking about kids being capable of understanding, but it that doesn't mean that they what's age appropriate. Right. Right. But you gotta be age appropriate. So it's the same thing when we're talking about our changing bodies, the way we talk about it with a four-year-old versus how we talk about it with a 14-year-old is very different. Very different. Yeah. So my favorite thing in the whole wide world is a sentence frame because all I have to do is fill in the blank. So I'm giving you a bunch today. And that's actually gonna be the point of my series on this topic moving forward is giving you sentence frames that you can actually use, practical tips so that you can turn around and have a conversation with your kid after this episode's over. Okay. So maybe your partner or your friends? Right. This sounds great. Right. Okay. So you can steal these lines and tweak the wording for your own family and and go nuts. Okay. So with younger kids, we're talking about four to eight-ish. All right. Your goal is safety, simple truth, and reassurance. Safety, simple truth, reassurance. Reassurance. Reassurance. Okay. You're gonna give very limited detail and focus on what adults are doing to keep them safe. I love that. It gives um Mr. Rogers saying look for the helpers. That is definitely one of the things that NPR's article talks about is making sure to point out the good things. So, yes, that's that's the vibe. So here's a script for when they hear scary words. Okay. You might hear grown-ups talking about something upsetting on the news. It's not your job to fix it. That's a job for adults, and we're working on it.

SPEAKER_02 11:15

Love that.

SPEAKER_00 11:17

When they ask what happened, because that's the regular question in my house. Sure. Something unfair is happening and lots of adults are working hard to make it better, you are safe here with us. When someone say that to me. I know and and also maybe pet my head at the same time. When they see protests or protesters, those people are gathering to tell leaders what they think is fair and unfair. That's something people are allowed to do when they care a lot about something. Oh my gosh. Okay, so the other day we are driving around town and there was a protest in front of a local coffee

Ground Rules: You Don’t Need All The Answers

SPEAKER_00 12:02

shop. And it was the workers of the coffee shop on strike.

unknown 12:09

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 12:11

And it was such an interesting conversation to have with my teenage daughter and her friend in the car about the legality and the implications of going on strike. Yes. And it wasn't, it wasn't politically charged at all. It didn't have to do with world events. We didn't even talk about what they were striking about. It was just the idea of like, no, these workers want the community and their employment to understand something. And it it felt so great to have a civics conversation that wasn't charged or emotional. So if there's ways for you to weave those into your talk that's not reactive, but more of proactive, you can do that. It was it was so interesting because we had someone else's child in the car. It's not our job to parent them or to give our political beliefs to that kid. So it was a very moderate conversation that we had. And it was just so interesting to hear, you know, another 13-year-old girl ask us questions about the constitution. And yeah, well, are they allowed to? I was like, yeah, but they're choosing not to work. They won't be paid for this time. Like the whole thing was so interesting. That's really important. We're gonna get to older kids in a little bit too. But I love that you were so mindful of the other child in the car who's not yours because that's that's such a teacher perspective to have, right? Is like, this is not my child. Like I gotta be, I gotta tow that line real carefully. But also like that means that even your child has the has the information that they need to make the decision for themselves with a new understanding of what was actually happening. So that's that's really the goal, right? And and for the record, I do want to talk about protesting. I do have an episode planned about talking with kids about protests and again, scripts for age bands. So we'll get to that in a couple of weeks, but that's I'm so glad you brought that up because it's a really, really big deal. And it was just it came down to what is the objectivity around what we're seeing? Right. What's the goal? What are they trying to do? What are they trying to accomplish? Right. And so the idea of saying these are people who are telling their leaders that they want something to, I mean, that's that's a really great way to explain it. Yeah. And sorry, could you? No, no, you're great. Um, with with these younger ones, there they might ask a question, especially as they get a little older, that's a boundaries question for you, right? Like where you may want to put the kibosh on the conversation. And so I have a boundaries script for you as well. Love that. So the the response is that's a really big question. I love that you're thinking about this. I'm gonna give you a smaller answer today, and then when you're older, we can talk about more details. Very good. The end. That's all you have to say. Because you're still providing them with the information, but you're doing it at a level that's appropriate for that age. So let's get into the tween age. We're talking nine-ish to 12. And this, I actually just had a conversation with my nine-year-old about current events on Friday evening. So I'm coming at this from this is what I did, and this is what helped my child, and I hope it works for you too. And developmentally, this is a time in a child's life where they are still looking to you for news and current events. Right. When we talk about the next age bracket, they will be collecting information both from the web and from their social

Scripts For Young Kids: Safety And Reassurance

SPEAKER_00 15:42

network, whether it be in person or online. But in this tween age group, they're still looking to you as a parent for guidance on what's happening in the world. Right. And so for that reason, your goals are gonna be a little bit different. You're gonna add some context and you're gonna encourage and promote critical thinking about whatever the conversation is. You're gonna also need to validate those big feelings, right? The anger, the worry, the confusion, because those feelings really do come out, especially. I don't know what it is about these nine-year-olds, but like eight and nine, man, there's some sass. There's some big emotions coming out. And they're my child is cooler than he's ever been at this age. Like nine is like is my favorite. I am loving this. And yet the emotions are huge. So I'm having to manage both, right? And and so that's really gonna be part of your goal here. Well, and there's biology behind that. Oh, yes, there is. The mirror neurons are starting to develop. This is a time in a child's age life where they're learning these skills of empathy, they are starting to feel the temperature of a room based on uh body language and intonation. This is a time where they're growing those skills of being able to interpret what someone else is feeling and start to internalize them, those feelings themselves, despite what words you use. Yeah, and it's it's really cool to watch. And it's almost like now is the most dangerous time because I have to really be mindful of what I'm saying and how my tone comes off, right? So, um, so here are your scripts. When we're opening the conversation, you may have seen things online or heard kids at school talking about XYZ event. What have you heard so far? This way you're validating if they've already been talking about it. You're you're addressing whatever, you're getting information about whatever misconceptions they may have. Right, right, right, right. But also saying maybe you haven't, and that's okay. Like you're just kind of getting a feel for the situation. And then you're gonna also remember validate emotions. So you might say it makes sense that you feel angry, scared, overwhelmed, confused, whatever that emotion is. A lot of people feel that way, including adults. I mean, I had to I had to say that too. Like it's okay if you feel this way about this conversation because I personally also feel this way. And explaining complicated issues. That's again, we're talking on age-appropriate hair. So you might have to do this in a kind of dancy, delicate way. But one thing that I tried was some leaders are making rules that a lot of people feel are unfair. And people are speaking up, they're voting, and they're organizing to try and change those rules.

SPEAKER_02 18:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:27

Um, and this is a great time for you to prompt the child to say back to you what they heard. Um, again, living in that space of what are the misconceptions? Um, knowing that the kids are gonna go and process with other people. You want to make sure that they have a good grasp of the conversation that you just had. My mind, and again, like state me, it's fine, but my mind goes back to those old episodes of home improvement when Tim would talk with Al, or not Al, Wilson. And Wilson would give him some great advice over the fence. And then Tim would go and botch it later in the episode. Just make sure that your kids, as you close the conversation, that the kids have a good grasp and understanding of what was said um and what the takeaways are, so that when they go to the next space in their lives, they they they're grounded in what you discussed. Right. And and there's a way to, you know, the common teacher response to that is what questions have I created for you?

SPEAKER_02 19:24

Right.

SPEAKER_00 19:24

Like because there's going to be some. So and not asking what questions do you have or not do you have any questions? Because the answer is going to be I don't have any questions. But what questions have I created? Like now it's on me. Yeah. It's not answer the question. Exactly. And I even said, you know, can is there anything that I've said that I that needs me further explanation? Do you need me to clarify something? Is there any, you know, did I say something that was confusing? Describe this to someone else. Right. See what they see what they say and and go from there. Um, again, you probably are gonna need a boundary line. So mine, my default is I don't know yet. I don't know all the details. And I don't want to give you half correct information. Love that. How about we look up a kid friendly explanation together after dinner? Or let's make a date for Thursday afternoon. I'll do some research between now and then. Right. I, you know, I think a lot of people are tired of the term normalize, but I'm going to say let's normalize not having all the answers and then not. Speaking on things we don't know about. And better than normalize, let's model that. Right. So that's me doing that to the best I can. Right? Like show your kid it's okay. Right.

Boundaries With Little Ones

SPEAKER_00 20:33

So now we have to talk about teenagers. Teenagers are hard. And it's hard. I actually saw a parent say, like, I don't know how to have this conversation with my 14 and 16-year-old. And that's really what inspired this episode is like even older kids who you can have a real conversation with. Parents are like, How do I discuss this? Right. There's so much to talk about. Yeah. Um, and even, you know, this and all cap this and all cap and the arm waving about and and just everything, right? Um, so just know again, you have goals here. You're gonna treat them as emerging citizens because that's what they are. I've said this on the show before, but one of the most impactful student statements anyone's ever made to me about parenting was I am raising adults, not kids. They are children now, but one day they will be adults. Yep, you're parenting children, you're raising adults. Like it's it's a different, it's a different thing. So that means you also have to invite their opinions and emphasize agency. But also in this current climate, you have to emphasize media literacy. And we're gonna get into I have an episode planned on media literacy as well. So just want to make sure that you understand like what I mean by agency is like taking personal action, but media literacy is so important right now with misinformation coming from all angles and AI things

Tweens: Context, Feelings, And Critical Thinking

SPEAKER_00 22:02

and stuff like that. So just here's your script. Okay, you're gonna open without lecturing. Invite that information that Jenny was mentioning earlier about them having heard from other kids and having conversations with other kids at school. At this point, also, it's possible teachers may have broached the subject with students of this age. So, what you're gonna say is you've probably seen more about this on your feed or talked about with your friends than I have. What's your take on what's happening right now? Love that. And you can name the event, right? You can say, What's your take on what's happening in XYZ state or with XYZ leader or whatever it is? Okay. And then when you talk about feeds, like their social media feed, you're gonna want to encourage some critical thinking here. So, how do you know which posts to trust? What makes a source feel reliable to you? Okay. And then acknowledge that feeling of powerlessness that comes with being a teenager. Personally, as an adult, I already feel powerless in a lot of what's happening here, which is why I'm so moved to have this conversation with you today, Jenny, and have our listeners hear it, because this is this is one way that I can do something to help in this political climate we're in, right? When Caitlin reached out this week and she was like, hey, so about your hiatus and us recording an episode regarding the world. And I was like, Yes, let's do it. And she's like, Really? Seriously? Like I could I could hear in her in her head, like not in the text thread, like, so I thought I was gonna have to sell you on this, or like I was told with other text lined up. Yeah. I was like, no, let's do it. Figure it out. Honestly, I was gearing up to do it by myself. Like I was just like, I have to do something, and it's because of that feeling of powerlessness. And your teenager probably feels it even more because think about how a teenager feels all the time, anyway. I can't do this, I can't do that, I'm not old enough to do this, my mom says no to that, my dad says this. Like that has to feel so frustrating. And then to even have less power because of the position that they're in at that age, that must be really difficult. So you're gonna say it's totally valid to feel like one person can't do much. And I need to say that to myself again, like say that to 14-year-old Caitlin. It's totally valid to feel like one person can't do much. Most change happens when a lot of one person do small things together. But there is a chance that you, as the adult, also, again, need to have that boundary with your kids. Cause from what I know, with these conversations with kids, these can go on for hours. And they will, like when I would have these conversations with kids in class, they would go, Remember yesterday how we talked about that? Can we talk about that again today? And you'd be like, Yes, we can, but also can I please just take a break from it? Or like actually there's some post-it notes. Can you write your questions down? Take it into the wall. Right, and we'll come back to it. Or like, we have a standardized test in a week, and I I haven't taught you how to divide fractions yet. So it can be like I taught high school biology for years. And in order to graduate in the state of Texas at that time, the students had to pass an end-of-course exam in biology. And in Texas, biology is a freshman course. So I taught 14 and 15-year-olds, and they would come to me with these types of questions, which again, I'm pleased about because that meant that they trusted me and they saw me as a salient adult. But at the same time, I'm like, so my job is actually tied to your biology performance. Right. Let's talk about your citizenship. Frog intestines. Can we move on to that, please? Do you know that the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell? Yes, I think we all know that. Everybody just did that with us. You know that, right? Yeah. And you know that y equals MX plus B. Right. Mm-hmm. So your boundary sketch for your teenagers is I I want to keep talking about this with you, but I'm really hitting my own emotional wall. Or I'm hitting my own emotional breaking point. Can we please take a break and come back to this tomorrow? They're probably gonna want to talk about it tomorrow. But can we please take it back and come back to this when I'm feeling more capable of doing so? And give them a time so that you're not saying, can we talk about it now? Can we talk about it now? And then you're like, oh my god, shut up. So give them a time when you're gonna feel ready. If that, if today is Thursday and you're gonna say, I'm gonna feel ready on Sunday, then that means you also have to stick to what you said. Be there on Sunday. Be there on Sunday to have that conversation.

SPEAKER_02 26:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 26:46

So that was a lot of information. I'm putting all of those scripts on the blog for you, and you can go find them and commit them to memory. Print them out. Yeah. Print them out, get them tattooed for whatever you need. Whatever you have to do. Yeah. So here's a simple conversation framework that I came up with. You can remember this, you can reuse it, tweak the language to suit your style, suit your family. And it's gonna work for all age groups. It's just a real basic framework. So the first thing you're gonna do is ask what they know. Again, what have you seen or heard about this? It lets you correct misinformation without oversharing anything. Two is name the feeling and the basic facts, right? It sounds like you're feeling X. Simple way to explain this is a couple of sentences, right? I'm gonna caution you against labeling, as in calling people the bad guys or in our house um a-holes. Just put it out there. It's not helpful, honestly, and it's gonna cause some confusion. Those people, even those people. Yeah, it's not helpful. Even those people. But let me tell you, there are times where I want to defer to that. And I'm not just talking about political issues. No, there are many times where I want to say those people.

Teacher Tricks: Check Understanding And Clarify

SPEAKER_00 28:02

Those people. And and it just it could be the people who let their dogs run off leash. It could be the people who let their dog crap on your lawn. It doesn't matter. It just it's show we don't say those people. We don't say those people. Um, you're gonna talk about the impact of those people as opposed to as opposed to calling them. See the air quotes. Those people, there were um there were some air quotes. There were some air quotes, right? So you're just gonna talk about people being in pain, people being angry, people making bad choices, yeah, the standard language there. So you might say something like, it sounds like you're worried. Some leaders are making rules that hurt people, and many others are working hard to protect people's rights. You know what I mean? No labeling there, just basic. And then you're gonna always go back to that place of the ends can't justify the means.

SPEAKER_02 28:52

Right.

SPEAKER_00 28:53

Right. Even it it doesn't matter where you land on any spectrum, whether it be political or social or dogs off leash, doesn't matter. Right. When you talk about things, you can talk about how actions speak louder than words. And sometimes people are making choices that overpower their statement or their belief. And whether you align with that belief or not, sometimes the action kind of negates whatever statement they're saying. Yeah. Right. And that was the thing that was cool about the coffee shop protest or the the strike was we got to say, like, I don't even know what they're striking against. No, I did, but I'm not gonna bring that up. No. What I could say was, yeah, this is really peaceful. They're just out in front of the, they're not even in front of the doors. They're still letting people go in and get coffee. They're just very visible. Right. The ends cannot justify the means. Here, they were very above board in the way that they were sending their message. Totally. And then, so you're gonna ask what they know, you're gonna name the feeling and basic facts. And the third thing you're gonna do is offer safety, offer, excuse me, offer safety plus one action. So you might say, here's what our family is doing about it. Maybe you're making donations, maybe, maybe you're making phone calls, maybe you're learning more. That is an action, by the way. Helping your neighbors. And here's how you can help if you want to. They can draw a card, they can come to a community event, they can help pick a charity that you feel like contributing to. They can help you make signs if you're someone who's gonna go out into the streets. They can do those things for you. And that empowers them to feel like they're contributing to the work of the family. I think that's so important in light of how you talked about teens feeling powerless. What a great way to close a conversation with someone who feels like their voice isn't heard or valued. Give them a say, here are some tangible things that we can do together. Exactly. Now, as I mentioned in my opening, I botched these conversations on the rag. So maybe that's

Teens: Agency, Media Literacy, And Powerlessness

SPEAKER_00 31:02

something you do too. I don't know. So I took some time to identify a few common challenges and then some scripts that might help you. For example, the overshare. Oops. When you realize that, it's probably gonna be too late. It's gonna be the conversation's over or whatever. But you can always go back and say, hey, I realized I shared more than I meant to earlier. And that might have felt a little scary for you. And I'm sorry about that. What I really want you to know is that you're safe, and there are a lot of people working on this. Just bring it back to you're safe, shouldn't have said that, shouldn't have given you that example, whatever it is. Or if you're having a bingo moment, now you might not understand what I'm talking about there, but there's an episode of Bluey where bingo is scared to do show and tell, and she learns, or the parents learn that after about 15 seconds of talking, the kids shut down. So it literally in the episode, it goes from like chili's chili's talking about something, and then all of a sudden it goes like we're very like peanuts adults, right? So when your kid shuts down, you're gonna say, I hear that you don't really want to talk about this right now, and that's totally okay. If you ever change your mind or have questions later on, I'm here to answer them. And let it go. Love it. You don't have to keep talking about it. When they ask, are we going to be okay? Which is a very scary question right now. For younger kids, you're gonna say, right now, you're safe. There are many adults working hard to keep our community safe. Love it. When they're older, you can say, I can't promise nothing bad will ever happen, but I can promise you won't face it alone. We're gonna face all these hard things together and we're gonna keep looking for ways to help. Love it. So, like I said, I mess up these teachable moments all the time. And when I do, I just try to remember these two things. One is I don't need perfect words, and neither do you. I just need to show up to have the conversation. That's it. And two, your kid is going to benefit more from a slightly messy but honest conversation than silence altogether. So perfect words are not necessary. Just show up and be prepared to have the conversation. My challenge to you for this week is to pick one of these scripts from today, and they're all on our blog post for this episode. You can just copy and paste them. It's totally fine. I'm not gonna have my feelings hurt by you doing that. Put that script into your notes app and then try it the next time your kid asks about something that they hear on the news. Then I personally would love to know how it went. Good or bad or ugly or anything. I'd love to know about that. So you could shoot me a DM at our, I'm usually on Instagram or threads, or you can hit me up with an email and we'll read a few anonymously in a future episode. We'd love to know how it goes for you. Next up in our next episode, I'm gonna be talking to you guys about kids and political disagreements inside the fam. That's what's coming. So subscribe now so you're not missing it, and we'll be right back. All right. We're back. I need to share something joyful. Do you have anything joyful that you would like to share? Um, I get to tell you a story that can renew your faith in humanity. I'm ready. Hit me up. Please hold on. It's a true story of good triumphing over evil. Okay, then hold on because yours sounds better than mine. So I'm just gonna tell you mine real quick. Because I can't follow something that is good triumphing over evil. I just can't do it. So here's mine. My freezer blew out, the compressor on my refrigerator. The compressor helps keep your fridge and freezer cold. Did you know that? I did not know that. No, okay, I'm so glad you said something because you were like talking about the compressor, and I was like, I don't know what that is. Yeah, am I supposed to say I don't know, or am I supposed to unknowingly no? I don't know what it is. I don't know what it does. All I can tell you is it helps to keep things cold. And I know this because ours blew out and everything in our freezer melted. Wasn't it awful? It was awful, it's disgusting. Frozen bananas do not last when the compressor goes out. I'm just gonna tell you that. Oh, oh, oh, it's just like a bag of smush, brown, brown smush, disgusting. Oh, and like maybe a weird liquid jerky out of it. Uh-huh. Yeah. All that. No, I can only imagine. Yeah, it was awful. Um, so like before we knew that was what was going on, I was like, you know what? Like, maybe I ought to like go back to behind the fridge and like clean all the dust out of the coils because it's been a minute. And by minute, I mean two years since I have done this. So I'm gonna go ahead and do that. Well, um, I've lived in this house for eight, so it's been like eight. Yeah, no, you need to do this. Do it. Like I had an I had an air gun, I had a vacuum cleaner with one of those brushes on it and all the things. So we pull the fridge out, I clean it up. I there's stuff on the floor that's sticky. There was an old nerd gummy cluster, which was devastating because I was like, that's one nerd cluster I did not need. Waste, right, wasted. So I had I so I cleaned everything. I blew out all of the coils and everything. I cleaned everything up, and I'm like, I fixed it. I know I fixed it. Spoiler alert, dear reader, she did not fix it. But anyway, I and we ended up getting a technician to come out. He goes, Your compressor's blown, it's gonna cost you $1,800. You can get a new fridge for $1,800. So that's what we decided to do. We were like, forget it. We're just gonna get a new fridge. Amen. Yeah. Yeah.

Setting Emotional Boundaries And Follow-Ups

SPEAKER_00 36:42

So we did. And the delivery guy shows up on Friday. This is three days of no freezer and no ice and no nothing and water on the floor. And it was just awful, right? So he shows up and he's like, okay, well, we got this old one out. And like, do you need like a couple minutes? I can come back in like two or three minutes after you've cleaned up down here. And I was like, give it to me straight, sir. Like, how bad is it under this fridge? And he was like, you know what? It's pretty clean back here. And I was like, Yes, I really the joy, the joy I felt. He didn't know that I had just cleaned it all out. He had no idea. And was I gonna tell him? No, I was not. This is all such. I just took six hours cleaning, right? There's literally stuff everywhere all over my house. This is real talk here. My house is messy, it's not dirty, but it's messy. We talked about these being two different things, and this was clean, and he's like, it's clean back here, and had a big old smile on his face. And I was like, best compliment I've gotten in a while. Like, that feels good. And what did I do? I immediately started texting Jenny. Like, just so you know, this compliment came to me. Like, I just need you to know your face, your friend my friend, your friend got this compliment. Now I had just cleaned it, but that's not at the end. That's not the point. The point is, well, I cleaned it two days ago, but still, it was still not all gross. And I have cats and a dog and a child, and it was still clean, so I'm proud of myself. Now, tell me your story of good triumphing over evil. I mean, because in the intervening months since my departure from the program, a lot of things have happened in my life. Yes. One of them was I was rear-ended and put in a hospital. I had a terrible concussion. Yes. Um, I spent weeks with my eyes shut because of light sensitivity, had to go through all kinds of therapy. I am now the advocate for kids practicing well at football because I know I'll never get them to not play tackle football. Right. But anytime a kid has any kind of injury, I'm like, no, no, no, you're getting checked out. And we are we are stripping your schedule. You are taking time to heal. I have been through this. It is awful. Like thinking hurt me. And this has never happened in my life before. Okay. Absolutely terrifying. Boy. What is important is that my car was in the shop for several months. And because it was a rear end work, when I picked it up and the sprayers on the windshield washer on the front end didn't work, I did not bring it up to the body shop because they had worked on the rear end of my car. Right. Um, now when we did pick it up, there was some weird battery issue. The car wouldn't start, but then all of a sudden it was fixed. We were like, whatever, it's no big deal. It was probably just from being still. We picked the car up in September. In December, which is the first time I really had some time off from work to be able to get regular maintenance done. We got an oil change and we got it changed

A Simple Three-Step Conversation Framework

SPEAKER_00 39:42

at the dealership. And I know you are uh like wow lashing. Wait, right. I heard this woman speak. She is pretty frugal. No, our car is new enough that we still have free oil changes from the dealership. Yes. Okay. This is the car that was re-rended. Like this is a this is a car. Yeah, it's a brand new car. I swear we need to smudge it with stage. And this is why. We um and I said to the guy when we're at the dealership, I was like, hey, just check to see if there's any updates. And the windshield washer sprayers aren't working. Can you check on that for me too? So we're out running around and we get a video message from the dealership. Oh dear. And the guy. I says, I am so sorry to tell you this, but your car has been chewed by rats. The reason that the nozzles don't work is because rats have eaten their way through the tubing. They have chewed on wiring. They have eaten the fireproofing that keeps the interior of your car from lighting on fire from the engine. No. And Caitlin, the rats had built a nest. They had lived there long enough to build a house. I said, This is a brand new car. It's only a year old. The only time that it's been parked long enough for rats to build a complex is when it was at the body shop. So I'm just gonna call the body shop and let them know that this happened and they'll fix it. And he's like, Oh, oh, okay, good luck with that. He says, if you need video or photo evidence, let me know. But like, yeah, good for you. Go back to the body shop. Give that a try. Yeah. Yep. So um I called the body shop and I talked to the advisor that we had all through the process. And he was like, Yeah, I don't know that we can take responsibility for that. You did pick the car up in September. And I was like, Yeah, but I didn't bring up the sprayers to you because you worked on the back end. And the battery didn't work, but you guys fixed it. So I don't really, you know, like we never put two and two together. And because the car's been running fine, I haven't opened the hood. This is a brand new car. He says, Okay, yeah, you're right. Like, I do remember the battery thing. This is a little weird. And asterisk, the body shop is next to a green belt. Oh, yes. And so he says, Bring it in in January and we'll talk through it. We'll look and see what we can do. Meanwhile, I have to talk to my manager because you kind of you understand this is not the kind of thing that I can authorize. Oh my gosh. And I am playing the more flies with honey than with vinegar card as many times as I can. I am pleasant. I even said to him, I'm not mad, I'm not frustrated, these things happen. I just need you to fix it. It's not a big deal. It'll be fine. Um, so I show up at the body shop and the manager comes out and he was like, Yeah, absolutely not. I cannot prove that this happened. And I said, No, you're right, I can't either. And that like kind of diffused him for a minute. He was like, I was like, yeah, no, I can't. I said, all signs point to yes. And I gave all the evidence, and but I said, you know, I can't prove that this happened. It's been four months since I picked up the car. But again, like it's been chewed. The right fireproofing has been chewed. Yeah. The only time that the car has been parked long enough for the rats to move in is when it was at your body shop. I drive it every day. Right. And he said, Yeah, I'm not gonna help you with this. He said, But we do have an escalation process. So I will call my senior leadership, but I'm gonna recommend that we not do this. I said, Okay, great. Will you have them call me too? Because you're telling me that you're not gonna be a good advocate for me. He was like, Yeah, I'm not gonna be a good advocate for you. I don't think we should do this. Now, to this guy's like credit, he is trying to protect the bottom line of his shop. Okay. Yes, of course. Like I get it. And when I was at the dealership, the guy there told me rats have worked on another or had worked on, had worked on another car of his and it cost 8,000 bucks damage for this other car that he was working on.

SPEAKER_02 43:32

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_00 43:33

That's so I understand that this could be like a major issue for this guy who is the body shop uh manager. Yes. I said, but I'll I said, great, just have your people but call my people. I want to tell them my side of the story. But because he said, I'm not gonna be an advocate for you, my husband did some Googling to find some email addresses for people that might be this guy's supervisor or supervisor, supervisor, or you know, the CEO of the company. Yes. Um, and sent him an email and said, you know, normally I would let the uh store manager handle this on his own, but because he said I'm not gonna be an advocate, like we were concerned, here are all the X, Y, Z things that have happened. Within hours, he gets a call from the VP of operations for the state. With the first words being, I'm so sorry. And the last words being, not only will we fix it, we will bring it to the dealership and have them inspect it to make sure we have fixed everything that has been broken. And it just felt so good that December Jetty was validated. I truly believed that the body shop would fix this. And my husband looks at me like, Chen, you are so naive. The world doesn't work that way. No, it's

Common Pitfalls: Oversharing And Shutdowns

SPEAKER_00 44:42

you know what? Sometimes it does. Sometimes there are people out there who care about their relationships with customers and understand that even though there's no proof that something happened, it's pretty likely that it did. Right. And they will take responsibility. Right. Like even oh my gosh. Like circumstantial true crime cases are still like you can still prosecute them. Like people get convicted for like circumstances. There's there are circumstantial nobody cases all the time, and people still prosecute them and go to jail. I said, I don't, I'm not saying you have a rat problem. I'm saying there was one time a rat that moved into my car, and it just happened to happen here. Um, that to that sounds to me like a rat problem. Like, like if the one one rat, one rat is too many rats, it sounds like a rat problem. I'm just gonna put that out. When they were talking to John about what they were gonna do, the operations VP said, well, and one of the things that we'll do is we'll park it inside and we'll put some bait out. And I was like, that's so cute. But guys, I've been driving this car since September. Whatever rat did this damage is either barbecued or moved out. Right. Like, I think I think we're good. It's nice that you're baiting the rats, but they're gone. But also, this might be an indication to that body shop that like it's the it's not their fault. Like they're if they're parking it outside, as many of them do, and it's right off of Greenbelt. Like it's gonna have so maybe like a car every day. Move the car, right? Just move, just start it up, fire it up, and move it to the another side, right? That's all you have to do. Pull it up and then park it, right? Just have it be part of your routine that you move every car. Just drive it around the block one time, like do, but you have to do something so it doesn't just sit there cold. But also, what is in the car that makes rats want to eat it? Because if it's a if this thing didn't get eaten, then there must be something else in it that they didn't like. And it was the weirdest thing because again, I hadn't even lifted the hood when the dealership told us there were all these problems. I was like, I'm not messing with it. I I am leaving it as it is. Your mechanics don't start not being correct. Yeah. And so, like the ground wire for the battery had been eaten. Multiple tubes you could see had been eaten. But the thing that was like eye-opening to me was I have never looked at a car for fireproofing, but now that it was on my mind, I could see along the back wall of the engine block where the I'm guessing Kevlar product had been chewed in a pattern. And it's like that is how the fire could enter the cabin of this car. Like, if you had gotten hit again on the front this time, where the engine and it caught fire, that could have been so scary. And also, you didn't even sage the S mess out of this car. Like, smudge who where are the Austin witches? Can they smudge this car, please? Like, can we where are you? Like, find a shaman now. Right. Oh my word. Well, I'm glad the rats are out of your car, and I'm glad that someone's fixing it. How long until it's done? Do you know? Um, they're supposed to have it inspected this week. So I should be getting it back soon. And they did give us a rental in the intervening time. Okay. I bet they did. It was it was it was a lovely experience. And because it was so great, should you reach out and you're looking for a great body shop, I'm happy to use the name. I'm not gonna say it on air. No, but let us defend the. They're not compensating us. No, DM us and I'll let you know. Uh and they're

Answering “Are We Going To Be Okay?”

SPEAKER_00 48:32

not mad at you, the body shop's not mad at you. Oh, well, the original advisor was the one who picked up my husband to go get the rental. So I was like, Man, that must have been awkward. He was like, No, he was great. Because he was the one from the beginning who's like, Yeah, I guess after the battery thing, yeah, I I feel like we should pick this up. I need to talk to my boss, but makes sense. And so he says to John, man, that rat really did a number on your car. He's like, Yep, that's why I brought it back. If it had just been one wire, we would have fixed it ourselves. Oh my gosh. Y'all, oh, on that note, I can't. I can't. Well, rats are gross, they eat car parts, and yeah, this is rough. And they build their homes inside the engine block. Yuck. But let me guess. I don't think they can do it in one night. No, probably no. This isn't Charlotte's web. Rome wasn't built in a day, neither was that rat's nest. Like, all right, y'all. I know that there's a lot going on in your world, and it doesn't matter in what time of the season you are listening to this episode. I'm sure there's a lot going on in your world. But you can talk about it with your kids. You can do it. Just make good choices. Love you, mean it. Bye, guys. Bye.